Change

IMG_1382 IMG_1384 IMG_1385 IMG_1390Well, yesterday was the big day. Leah’s first day of daycare and my first day back at work. All weekend it still felt surreal that, come Monday morning, I would be going back to work and I would be dropping Leah off in the care of others, essentially, in the care of strangers. Monday morning came and I felt physically ill. With our new normal routine, hubs will drop Leah off at daycare every morning at 8 am (the church daycare is literally down the street from his office) while I go straight to work and then I will leave work at 1 pm and will go and pick Leah up. However, since it was her first day, I wanted to go with hubs to drop her off and officially meet her teachers. Whether or not this was a good idea is still unknown. Physically handing over my baby to someone else, seeing her look at me with her huge, adorable smile, and then turning around and walking away was heart breaking. I literally felt like I ripped a piece of myself off and left it in that room as I walked away. Somehow, I managed to hold back my tears until I kissed her goodbye and walked out the door. And then I let loose. Brett was a sweetheart, holding my hand and letting me have a good cry as I shakily said, “It’s just so hard.” He squeezed my hand, gave me a hug and I knew he understood. And then he physically walked me to my car, opened my door, and watched me turn the car on, ensuring that I actually did go to work instead of sitting in the parking lot and crying for the next hour. Which might have been my plan. And I’ll be honest, once I was back at work, engaged with my coworkers and the job I love, the morning flew by and before I knew it, it was time to get in the car and head back to the daycare. And seeing her smile when I walked in the room? Well, you better believe my heart just melted. So, this is new, this is change, this is hard, but I can do it. I don’t plan on working forever, but for now I know I’m doing what’s best for our family. And being at the hospital, working with the patients, my heart is there; even if a bit of it is left behind with Leah everyday.

On a much happier note, I was so excited to be able to spend some time with my old college roommate when hubs and I were in NY for Christmas. It was so crazy how it worked out, how Steph and her family just happened to be in hubs’ small hometown for a friend’s ordination the day after we arrived. I was psyched to see her little guy Niko with Leah. It is just so crazy to see a good friend, one you have known for over 5 years and being like, “Man, here we are, together with our husbands and CHILDREN.” Such a crazy, awesome feeling. Also, I have to note, I owe this girl a lot since she is basically responsible for my marriage. Steph and I were both in a class with hubs our sophomore year of college and she was the one who befriended him first. Since she was my best friend, I got to know Brett as well over the year, but if it wasn’t for her….I really doubt our friendship ever would have begun (sorry hubs). So Steph, thanks for talking to that cute blonde boy with the dimples. I owe you.

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